he owe me this..

i dont know what should i write actually....

whether to write what was going on today..or to write what i feel like writing... or to write what i felt inside.........

frankly...

i feel sad...

and i feel sad because of him...

yes.. him...him.. and him.. and again and again......

i've tried to bring myself/my thought/my brain away from him.....which is obviously i cant...

its just hard....yet im not a hard headed person ..still.. it just hard for me to take my mind off him....

i wish he would know how i felt.... so that he can at least think abt how others would feel when he doing things like this to someone who were close to him.. so that he can at least stop doing it... so that he wont be that selfish...

i wasnt asking him to commit or something.... i just want him to be there.. like he used to.... but...... he wasnt there ...

so i keep on telling myself that he need space... that he doesnt need me at this point of time.. and i keep on telling it to myself... so i can at least hold my finger from texting him or even try to call him to see whether or not he will pick up my call... and i even tell myself that if this is what he wants, then im gonna give it to him..

i feel like crying whenever i think of him...nope.. i dont feel like crying... i cried everytime i think abt him.. and i din realized that im gonna be this fragile... so fragile...

so everytime when my thots were on him, or when i miss him, i'll tell my closest fren how much i missed him.. with the hope that i would be able to get off the feeling if i tell someone else ...but the feeling is still there.. it still lingers... and it stiff.. and it doesnt moved a bit..and it seems like it will never go away...

it hurts.....

to be like this... to not able to open your heart to some else... to just stuck into that one person who's totally ignoring you... when u dont even have a single clue why is he doing this to you...

it really hurts knowing that u are loosing someone who you used to talk before you sleep... someone who you talked to when u were sad.. someone you talked to when u were happy..and to be someone he talked to when he was happy.. to be someone he was talking to when he's stressed.. to be someone who's sharing his food with you.. .......

and it hurts even more knowing that u still have hope on him... u still hoping one day he'll call u and apologizing and things gonna be fine as it used to be...

i dont know what should i think... i really dont...

i wish he would leave me with some explanation...
coz he owe me an explanation...

i wish i can hate him too..