sick

lappy sakit..
Dr. T nk fix die mlm nih...

*sedih*

RETIS KER?

ape nak tulis?
hehe..
arini bz shooting corporate video baru utk student new generation..
nyesal cik adik manis ni volunteer..
da la kena dok depan2 camera... sbb pendek kan.. tak cukup tinggi.. bukan x cukup sifat ok.. dgn tak makan nyer.. gilerr lapa..
kena lak gi make-up dlu... dr kul 11 make-up sampai kul 1... praktis dlu then baru shooting start dr kul 2.30 pai 5.30... gigil pala lutut seh..
huhu.. this will be the last time i involved with this kind'f activity..
lantak diorang la len kali kalau tak cukup student ke.. tak cukup makan ke...totally not my business..
takmo da aku join kalu ade kena ngena ngan shooting2 nih...
letih siot jadi artis....
eh.. artis ke? hehek

level stress tahap mencarut..

letih ni..
da la benda yg nak dibuat tak bawak balik uma..
benda yg taknak muncul tak pasal2..
yg plg best.. tiket PFM boss tak tau katne..
damn..

da la nxt week benda alah tu..

stress nih..
stress nih..
hopefully ade la benda tu kat ofis..
please.. please..

black is black....

tummy is growling.. maybe i shud sleep..
bukan takde lauk nk mkn kt kitchen...
ade..
ade ikan bilis goreng cili...
looks ok..
smell ok...
but im sure it has been cooked three days ago...
ergh...
sgt lapa...

today i wore dress takat peha to work..
hey with lagging ok..
black lagging..
yes.. sexy a lil bit...
and they said i can straight away go to enslave myself being the tan sri's PA..

wutta fuc*?

argh..
tomorrow kena gi bank rakyat to settle up things.. the anak-buah-kerenah stuff...
haih...
hoping this will be the last mischievous thingy my dearie niece will ever done..
tak larat da..
aku start rasa cam org tua da ni..

that guy.... is wutever...

so i went out with this guy last tues which i knew from tagged...we've been msging thru the site and thru sms few days back..he was fun ... until........ :



ok...here it goes..

i am not complimenting myself by saying this.. but he thot i was adorable.. and fun.. and cute... and i din expect that he can fall for me over one night...
wutever...



so the next day i was fu*king busy settling my nieces thingy... (owh..that was another long-tiring story.. i dont think am gonna tell anything abt it)

so i dont really replying to his smses.... i was so tensed and stressed and i dont hv time to mingle2 dgn die thru sms...


so that night... after things had settled down a lil bit, i smsed him back..


mine: mr. A, sori xreply msg u.. i ade hal ngan nieces i..bz..

his: babe, i nk bgtau u sumthing.. i feel chemistry dengan u..
and i din reply that... and he sent,

his: sori la sbb lurus sangat... btw, atok mintak maaf sbb kacau u ari ni.. (well he put his age at tagged - 99yo.. so i called him atok)

mine: its ok..
his:u free tak nk lepak?

mine: i taknak kuar ar.. penat..

his: erm ok.. if i datang are u rasa2 u larat nak kuar tak? (ape msg aku yg sblm ni ade berbunyi.. "tak la bro.. i tgh rileks gilerrr nih!" ke? ade? ade?... takde kan?!!)

mine: mls la.. mlm td i da kuar... nnt my mom bising..

his: orait... rest sokmo ye.. i ni mcm buat valuation (bole mamat ni nak evaluate aku pastu bagitau pulak...) masa lepak ngan u malam td and otw balik umah i rasa puas and lapang... u ade bace2 ke?huhu
... yup.. i din reply this one either.. and he sent me another msg...
it goes..

his: i nk tau sumthin, u bgtau je k..do you see anything in me? bcoz u mesti tgk i kabut semcm. da real truth is, i berkawan skang bukan utk jadik couple or scandal. thats y i ask u this weird qs..
so.. i did not reply to this also.. i was quite taken aback a lil bit.. speechless.. and try to piling my words before i say anything stupid and might hurt his feeling..not until another msg came in tak sampai setengah jam after that..
his: u lead me on a few days ago. tetiba pas jumpe terus kurang n kurang sms u. dont have to reply, i can guess that sumthin is not within your expectation.
ok... i was ... hmm i seriously have nothing to say when i read this.. he's judging me in just over a night and a day.. memang wrong timing la bro.. aku da la in the middle of settling my family problem... tambah pulak ngan soklan2 yg merepek2 dr mamat ni.. rajin la pulak aku nak layan....

in which, this had made me having these assumption towards him..

1) he confidently think that i do have same feeling towards him like he did..
2) he was having this assumption that i would just go and grab i the person barely knew..despite whoever he is.. and if he is a marriage-orientation-kinda-guy and i would definately agree to marry him if he proposed... (i guess if i lead on to this fella he might propose me within a month... urgh.. scary siol!)
3)die seorang yg tak menyabar langsung... pushy giler...can u imagine he gave me half-n-hour to answer his cepuk-mas qs??!
4)ok... ni cruel sket... he might a lil bit desperate.. :p

hmm..
ntah la...this is what made me scared of meeting new people.. i guess im a likeable person and people can easily fall for me.. i just want to make friends.. and usually when this things happen i tend to back off coz i suffocated when people started to push me..

i know...i may look like someone is easy to be pleased.. actually i dont.. and i hate it when poeple start to judging me.. i am unpredictable... even i always been puzzled by my ownself... :p

seriously...

he owe me this..

i dont know what should i write actually....

whether to write what was going on today..or to write what i feel like writing... or to write what i felt inside.........

frankly...

i feel sad...

and i feel sad because of him...

yes.. him...him.. and him.. and again and again......

i've tried to bring myself/my thought/my brain away from him.....which is obviously i cant...

its just hard....yet im not a hard headed person ..still.. it just hard for me to take my mind off him....

i wish he would know how i felt.... so that he can at least think abt how others would feel when he doing things like this to someone who were close to him.. so that he can at least stop doing it... so that he wont be that selfish...

i wasnt asking him to commit or something.... i just want him to be there.. like he used to.... but...... he wasnt there ...

so i keep on telling myself that he need space... that he doesnt need me at this point of time.. and i keep on telling it to myself... so i can at least hold my finger from texting him or even try to call him to see whether or not he will pick up my call... and i even tell myself that if this is what he wants, then im gonna give it to him..

i feel like crying whenever i think of him...nope.. i dont feel like crying... i cried everytime i think abt him.. and i din realized that im gonna be this fragile... so fragile...

so everytime when my thots were on him, or when i miss him, i'll tell my closest fren how much i missed him.. with the hope that i would be able to get off the feeling if i tell someone else ...but the feeling is still there.. it still lingers... and it stiff.. and it doesnt moved a bit..and it seems like it will never go away...

it hurts.....

to be like this... to not able to open your heart to some else... to just stuck into that one person who's totally ignoring you... when u dont even have a single clue why is he doing this to you...

it really hurts knowing that u are loosing someone who you used to talk before you sleep... someone who you talked to when u were sad.. someone you talked to when u were happy..and to be someone he talked to when he was happy.. to be someone he was talking to when he's stressed.. to be someone who's sharing his food with you.. .......

and it hurts even more knowing that u still have hope on him... u still hoping one day he'll call u and apologizing and things gonna be fine as it used to be...

i dont know what should i think... i really dont...

i wish he would leave me with some explanation...
coz he owe me an explanation...

i wish i can hate him too..

antz: r.z.. betul ke jodoh tu kite kena carik?
r.z: ermm
r.z: kite tak tau sape jodoh kite
r.z: tapi btul la tu
r.z: memg kene cari
r.z: takkan nak dok diam je kan
r.z: mesti ade effort
antz: hmm..
antz: antz rasa.. antz sangat suka dekat En. Ahmad (bukan nama sebenar).. (confession scr life ni ... huhu)
antz: tp En. Ahmad (bukan nama sebenar) mcm tu...
antz: tak tau nak buat ape... rsa mcm wasting time je tunggu die... tp...
antz: antz takde hati kat orang lain..
antz: camne eyh..
r.z: sabar je antz
r.z: antz pun ade effort
r.z: solat
r.z: doa
r.z: the rest tawakal
antz: tu la
antz: tu je kot yg antz bole buat..
r.z: yepp
r.z: jgn risau2 sgt k
antz: ok..
r.z: relaax je
antz: k.. im cool..


......





i am madly insanely missing him....
:(

*still grinning*

boss off to cambodia for a week...
cool kan?

at least i have a full week to focus on my own stuff.. like minutes and.... filing..
yup...
filing is most crucial actually.. coz everytime im trying to get stuff that boss wanted.. i couldnt find it... :D

hence.. am gonna put filing as my priority this week...
yippie yippie yup...

still beating... but empty..

Feist:
Travelling north, travelling north to find you
Train wheels beating, the wind in my eyes
Don't even know what I'll find when I get to you
Call out your name love, don't be surprised

Feist & Ben
It's so many miles and so long since I've left you
Don't even know what I'll find when I get to you
But suddenly now, I know where I belong
It's many hundred miles and it won't be long

Ben:
Nothing at all, in my head, to say to you
Only the beat of the train I'm on
Nothing I've learned all my life on the way to you
One day our love was over and gone

Feist & Ben
It's so many miles and so long since I've met you
Don't even know what I'll say when I get to you
But suddenly now, I know where I belong
It's many hundred miles and it won't be long

Feist & Ben:
What will I do if there's someone there with you
Maybe someone you've always known
How do I know I can come and give to you
Love with no warning and find you alone

It's so many miles and so long since I've met you
Don't even know what I'll find when I get to you
But suddenly now, I know where I belong
It's many hundred miles and it won't be long

It won't be long
It won't be long
It won't be long



Train Song
Feist & Ben Gibbard